Back in the swing of things

At the peak of a swing’s arc, it actually stops.

For a split second, less than a breath, it rests…then of course gravity takes ahold of it and begins to draw the swing back down toward the ground. As it starts to drop, it gathers energy and picks up speed to the point that, by the time it reaches the bottom, it’s moving at its fastest pace. Here, there is no stopping, no brief rest, no pause, no break from the momentum. At the bottom of the arc, affixed to a point above itself and on a length of cord or otherwise, the swing, completely bursting with energy, travels back up, up toward a second peak on the opposite side …slowing, slowing, then once again, experiencing a split-second pause before repeating the whole down, up, down sequence over and over…and over.

So yes…

That’s basically my life right now LOL

Back in January, without getting into it, the reasons to cut our trip short and head home ahead of schedule were stacking higher and higher. Once the decision to return home was made, we chose to make the best of what time we had left on the road and enjoyed our journey back East across Canada, stopping for visits and views along the way.

Coming home ahead of schedule allowed us the time and space in our lives to enjoy winter!!!! Because we both love winter (as one should LOL). It also gave us lots of unpressured and unrestricted time to visit with friends and family we hadn’t seen for most of a year! We appreciated the time we had available to get ourselves settled back into our home and prepare for what was next; me…going back to work, hubby…going back out on the trail. A wonderful pause, a quick breath before starting back into life.

The first few days back to work were exhausting! I felt the number of requirements piling up and up, and the detailed lists of things I needed to recall getting longer and longer. I was feeling anxious about performing well…and then…almost like muscle memory, I began to remember the important details required to do my job safely and accurately and started to build confidence in the skills I needed to perform well. Phew! I was pleased (more surprised really!) with what I was able to recall from a year ago – yay!! I was going to be ok!

And then…

The job I have requires me to work at two separate locations. The second location is larger, has newly acquired technology and more acutely ill patients. This meant I found myself with another growing list of new things to learn and skills to develop… I was being mentally stretched, leaving work tired and emotionally spent!…again…

It’s been over a month now since I started back to work. My coworkers have been incredibly supportive and have had loads of patience for me as I peppered them with many, many questions LOL. I’m happy to report I remembered much more than I thought I would LOL and discovered you CAN in fact teach old dogs new tricks! …things are going quite well.

I continue to have ups and downs…or maybe I should say downs then ups! Moments of uncertainty that lead to a new discovery, apprehension that turns into a new confidence, feelings of inadequacy pushed out by knowledge that improves my performance, and restlessness that is calmed by contentment…

I look forward to that brief pause…that quick moment of ease when I feel light and the world is quiet…knowing full well that there will come another challenge, collecting speed and propelling me toward more growth and understanding…or at least that’s the hope!

Sometimes living with RA feels like a swing ride…

When I get a sore joint in my foot, I subconsciously change the way I walk…

Then my knee gets a bit sore…

Then my hip…

And then…

Yup…

My back!

The tension builds and I realize I’m holding my shoulders up around my ears and I’ve got a splitting headache…

As I begin to unravel the symptoms and address the root of the issue, things begin to ease and I’m back to feeling like myself again…I enjoy the brief pause…before finding another joint that might be a bit “unhappy.” LOL …and on and on it goes!

Back in the swing of things…

I can’t promise that if you feel like your situation is building and building…heading in a direction you hope will soon change…that it will. Our swings are all moving at different speeds and are certainly different lengths.

But what I can tell you is this…

Speed isn’t all bad. It might seem like you’re hurtling out of control toward a low point or in a direction that is unsettling. But! It’s this same speed that also propels us back up…if we let it. Use the momentum you feel to get through the lowest point…and then let it lift you up…waiting with anticipation for that brief and beautiful pause…

I didn’t arrive at “the pause” on my own. I relied on (and still do!) the people around me to lift me up, propel me on. Yes, I was intentional about it, but it was their patience, their knowledge, and their interest in me that kept me going.